‘Terrifyingly honest’ – first post

21 years old and obese.
On the verge of some serious lifestyle issues if I don’t drop weight.
If you asked me when I was 15 if I would still be overweight and uncomfortable with myself at 21, I bet you would have got a firm “No”
I mean, 21 year old me should have had it in the bag right? Should definitely have conquered this beast a long while back!
Unfortunately, not quite there yet.
Everybody I know, has changed themselves, reinvented themselves (not necessarily for the good, but that is besides the point).
Except for me. I still feel like this is something that has eluded me. I’ve been to three nutritionists, even lost 12 kilos at one point. But that weight just piled right back on, and then some.
I have felt fat for as long as I can remember.
The first time, I was made aware of it, wasn’t by some great epiphany or self-reflection.
As it often happens, I was quite literally told, ‘ Fat’
A classmate of mine, was playing this game ( quite horrible, now that you think about it) and pointing at all the rest of the kids and labelling us as
‘fat’
‘thin’
‘thin’
‘fat’
You get the gist. I remember is so clearly, it’s weird!
He came to me and went ‘fat’ and just moved on. I remember sitting there with my ears red and my heart pounding, completely embarrassed and ashamed.
That just marked the beginning of a long struggle with my body weight, image and self esteem.
I don’t know why I started this blog, to be quite frank with you ( or future me if you’re reading this)
I don’t know if anyone will ever read this. It may remain an obscure blog in the corner of this huge vast internet place.
Last week, when I started the ‘Body by design diet – Kris gethin’ I was inspired to try again, hopefully for the last time.
I think I want my 22 year old self to be proud of my 21 old self for getting up and deciding to do this
*I am so weird sometimes, who refers to themselves like that? WHAT?. Anyway, moving on*
 
One big thing I learnt from the book was, that it is super important to set public goals. And that is where I’ve always ALWAYS fallen short. Every single time, I’ve started a diet – I’ve hidden it from everyone but my immediate family.
Because I am terrified of failure, disappointment and judgement.
This time though, in order for things to be different, I need to be vocal and open.
My brother knows about it, he’s even done this diet before so I have him cheering me on and reprimanding me when I fall off the wagon.
I have a food journal and an exercise journal and the whole hog.
I still think, in order for me to fully commit, I need to COMMIT. This blog, is an open one, and so whether people read it or don’t, it’s the best I think I could do with making public goals.
So. I have 12 weeks, to hopefully see a difference in my body. I’m going to blog as often as I can and post updates.
Here’s hoping I gift myself a lighter, healthier more confident me for my 22nd birthday.
*again with the weird*
 
*insert cringey outro*
 
-This isn’t a youtube video, dumbass-
 
Oh well
 
see you in the next one
x
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