Losing friends

These last two months have been extremely difficult and weird. 

It’s been so bizarre because suddenly out of the blue, almost overnight; I lost three amazing friends. They had to leave college rather suddenly and it just sent the rest of us into shock. I think for atleast a month I cried relentlessly and at the drop of a hat. I was walking around like a tear time bomb. Anything would set me off. 

Now, I know that it may not be as bad as some other people have it, atleast they’re alive and well. So that should count for something, right? 

On paper, it does. Although, Life rarely imitates paper! I don’t know what to talk about, I don’t know what to say to them. What can I talk about? What do I avoid? Am I not giving them enough space? 

Am I giving them TOO MUCH space, to the point where it looks like I’m indifferent? There’s no rulebook for situations like this, no defined guide to help. 

We’re all literally making it up as we go along. 

Things are weird.

We don’t laugh as much or talk as much. And it feels like no one else can see the massive hole that they left behind. 

On the other hand, A’s talking to me again. It’s like old times. I really wanted this back, but not like this. How THE HELL, do I stop feeling like a traitor? 

Growing up literally sucks monkey balls. 


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